Just An Attempt

Trying so hard to follow your heart
But it all comes out pretending
Seeing how others get it so right first time
But I can’t let go of training
Wanting to follow the rules instinctively
But can’t escape the structure
Looking at how it STILL COMES OUT THE SAME!!!!! At how IT JUST HAPPENS!!!!!
But it means so little

Pouring out my heart
But it doesn’t sound as real
As when it’s wrong
Wanting to give you my all
But is it enough this way
Or do you want it new?

Pretentious is a word I despise
Because it hits so close to home

Jesus, you are all I’m aiming for, but so many delays, so many detours, so many disruptions
And then my heartwords get lost along the way and it all comes sounding the same
Every time

Help me to let go of everything but you

Please forgive my worldly love
It is death in disguise
As you warned again and again

This is just an attempt
That’s all I can offer
In the hope that you will remain patient
For what I might never achieve
Gracious to what I might never leave

And take them OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!
Cannot feel this compassioned pity anymore –
It is death in disguise
For me at least

Can you harden my heart to everything but you?

And still make me compassionate?

It’s my only defence
You are
But is it compatible?

If your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away
But it’s my eyes and ears and voice and heart
My hands and feet and thoughts and scars
I’ve lost myself while thinking that I’m found

Gouge it all I would if still I could serve
But instead I will make this attempt
To surrender and lay it all down before one whose burden is light
Whose yoke is easy enough to carry this

Cut me out and paste in Someone
Who can do what I can’t
Someone who can love
Someone who can satisfy their needs

You are the only way and that is all I that want to say
Help me to speak the Truth all of my days
Help me to write the Truth in any way
And all else will submit to YOU

Help me to be real
Help me to be honest
Help me to be open
Help me to be complete
Help me to be sincere
Help me to be committed
Help me to be whole-hearted

To you above all